When he was 16 months old, I discovered that my husband was having an affair.
He told me he was in love with the other woman and wanted a divorce. If there were cracks in our relationship, he had not communicated them to me.
By Jewish law (what you call "based on the Torah")? If you are speaking of young people of marriageable age, hundreds of thousands of accumulated experiences show that it is highly likely that one's "like" of a fine young person with whom one shares many values - and one doesn't have to be Jewish to be a fine person with wonderful values - will grow into "love", and, ultimately, a desire for marriage and family.
On our fourth date I informed him in no uncertain terms, "This can't go anywhere." "Why? Based on my upbringing, I would feel guilty for betraying generations of Jewish martyrs who had died so that I could be free to be Jewish.How could I marry him, contributing to the assimilation and possible disappearance of my people?In an instant my seven-year relationship and three-year marriage was over.One of the first things I said to him was, "How will I tell my dad?! " He believed that Jews were less likely to keep such secrets and commit such despicable acts.The Reform rabbi we'd asked to marry us counseled my dad several times before our wedding, helping him work through his conflicted feelings.
About a year after our beautiful Jewish wedding, we found out we were having a baby boy.Though probably still reluctant, my father lovingly said yes.He had come to adore this young man and saw that we were happy together.But I wasn't willing to break up with my boyfriend.Sure, I shared my father's concerns about the survival of the Jewish people and, though it might sound stereotypical, was aware of the cultural differences between our Jewish family and his non-Jewish one. In my family we addressed our feelings openly; his tended to ignore uncomfortable issues, hoping they would just go away." I had worked so hard to convince my father that this marriage would not bring disgrace upon myself, my family, or my people. Of course, plenty of Jews also withhold their feelings and cheat on their spouses.